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Family Matters and the Right to Belong10. January, 2012Energy Healing, RelationshipsNo comments
Belonging and the FamilySentient beings share the instinct for survival. On our own, however, we cannot survive. Relationship is the underpinning that assures survival, from newborns to the elderly. Babies are cared for because they are ‘like us’. With the same DNA, parents find themselves instantly in relationship to their children. When parents fail to bond, the safety of the child is in grave danger. For survival, therefore, the ego’s impetus is to ‘belong’. We belong when it is clear to everyone that we have an equal right to whatever nourishment and protection the family can afford. How do we assure our membership?As newborns, the status of member-in-good-standing relies less on our behavior and more on the ability of our parents to accept us. As toddlers, children, and young adults, our membership becomes increasingly dependent on adhering to the rules and customs of the family. Consider a 7 year old who steals a candy bar at the grocery checkout. When mom discovers the transgression, if she admonishes her child and has him return the candy bar with a confession to the clerk, it’s a simple lesson that says, “In this family, members don’t steal.” |
Giving and Receiving26. December, 2011Energy Healing, Healing ArticlesNo commentsAs we go through our everyday lives, we don’t think much about this business of giving and getting. Even without consciously considering them, we have tight, unspoken rules that dictate what we give to others and what we expect in return. Giving and receiving are closely aligned with power. If I give something to you, you are now in my debt; we both know that. What I have given, how much it is worth, whether you are able to return something of similar value…all play a part in how much power I accrue as the giver of the gift. The classic example is of a parent or spouse who gives gifts of great material value and in return expects to control the receiver. Just as in giving, there is also power in receiving. Do I receive graciously, with sincere gratitude, or do I make it clear this gift is of little or insufficient significance? Do I even bother to provide a signal of thanks? The refusal to receive graciously is a refusal to participate in the relationship. It is, in essence, setting oneself above the other. In positive and equal relationships, giving and getting stay in relative balance. Neither party gets too far ahead, and each enjoys the process of receiving as well as of giving.
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Boundary Issues: I Don’t Know How To Say No17. December, 2011Energy HealingNo commentsThe process of learning to say ‘no’ can be challenging for many people. It’s interesting because it would appear to be strictly a behavior problem, but my experience is this is one of those things that is really held cellularly, like very deeply within the body. Often what’s effective for people is they can drop inside of themselves and realize the depth of who they are, that they’re totally okay and that they’re safe. This actually also goes into anxiety as well because that’s the same thing that can show up with anxiety.
With behavior problems, particularly the boundary issues are obviously different for every person. How you address it with one person may simply be, again, a coaching session. Where it’s a practical thing and they’re cool. But other people it’s not exactly that and what’s needed is for people to be able to look at the underlying motivation of why they keep saying yes. Because the underlying motivation almost inevitably is a whole set of self judgments. Those self judgments have to do with their self worth, who they have to be. They may believe they have to be the savior of someone else. They might have to be the savior of the family. They might have to be the one who makes mom happy or dad happy or whatever, the one that makes everybody laugh. So they grow up with a whole set of self judgments about who they have to be in order to be a good person. |
Understanding Depression, Relationship Issues and Family Secrets18. November, 2011Depression, Energy HealingNo comments
Depression can occur for people where there have been secrets in the family. Secrets in the family can also cause issues in later generations. A case I can talk about was in England where a grandfather in the family had been involved in something that was never talked about. And a policeman had died. So just leave it at that. And he had had to leave and go to Ireland for a long time and then eventually came back, maybe a couple decades later. The family treated him like he was a great hero. But then, a couple of generations later when you get down to the grandchildren there were all kinds of issues for them – feeling depressed, feeling they should commit suicide, feeling that they had to somehow atone for something and they had no idea what. And so you start to look at when there’s murder and it’s not been acknowledged or it is treated like this person is a hero, then later it’s almost as though there’s a soul to the family that seeks to atone for the crimes of an earlier generation. So that’s the kind of thing that can happen for people when you have secrets that don’t come out in the open. We all come from somewhere. And we bring it with us. |
Help With Anger & Jealousy In A Relationship12. October, 2011Energy HealingNo commentsJealousy is a violation of something that we believe or want to be true and always deeply underneath it there is some kind of a deep seeded belief or fear about ourselves that is being tapped into. A person can get jealous because they might believe that they don’t know how to love. They say to themselves, “No matter what I do I’m not going to be able to love good enough and the people I love aren’t going to love me. The people I love will always go away.” Things like this.
What’s Actually Going On?That is the question you must ask, then it starts to be possible to make change. And sometimes people ask me, when they start to see, “Okay, that’s nice. What do I do about it?” People go right to the chase. Let’s not even do the chase. Let’s get to the prize. What do I do about it? One of the things that I always tell people is first and foremost there’s nothing to do about it, you have to give that up. But what there is to do, if there’s something to do, it is to start to really look at it and to get to know it, to get to know at a really personal level, a very real level what these kinds of thoughts and beliefs are that we have about ourselves. And after we get really, really clear about them, then the next thing that will happen is we’ll start to have choices. And it isn’t rationally clear, step by step, why that happens. But it does. What will occur is that things will slow down and people start to have choices. |
Mindfulness Meditation10. September, 2011MeditationNo commentsAudio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. Meditation: Sandra Egli Begin sitting comfortably with your eyes closed and your feet on the floor. Now focus your attention at a single point on the top of your head. Take all of your sensory awareness to that spot. Now slowly, like a pearl in thick liquid, let your attention drop slowly through the bone of your skull, Stay for a moment at the top of your throat. You can swallow, or clear your throat. Notice the sensations. Now, with each exhale, let your attention drop a bit further into your body. Slide down the throat, Rest for a bit in your heart. Notice the beating that moves blood through your veins. As you exhale, slide down into your solar plexus,
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A Meditation to Quit Smoking10. August, 2011MeditationNo comments
To BeginSit quietly with your feet on the floor. You may find it helpful to close your eyes but this isn’t necessary. What is necessary is that you focus your attention on the inside of your mouth. Notice the sensations in your mouth. Your tongue pressing against your teeth and touching the roof of your mouth. Let your attention slide to the back of your mouth where you can actually feel the hole of your throat. Some BackgroundThis section of your throat is called the pharynx. It is about 5 inches long. Picture it like a short piece of red garden hose. At the end of this short piece of garden hose, the hole separates into two. The front hole is your windpipe or trachea. Your windpipe is also short, maybe 4 inches. It is lined with tiny hairs or cilia that beat constantly to trap dust and debris, sending them back up into your throat to be swallowed or spit out. |
This meditation practice will help you quit smoking. It is a powerful tool. First, develop a basic meditation practice of 20 minutes a day for 2 months. To do this see my web article titled How to Meditate: A Beginner’s Text. The meditation outlined in that article focuses on breathing. It will strengthen your ability to effectively utilize the technique below.
Meditation: Watching the Breath7. August, 2011MeditationNo commentsAudio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. Meditation: Sandra Egli Begin with settling yourself comfortably with your eyes closed and your feet flat on the floor. Turn your attention inward, to the inner space of your body. Notice yourself, how you are in this moment, whether calm or anxious, agitated or relaxed. There is nothing to do, just notice. Now turn your mind’s eye to your breathing. As you inhale, watch the air as it enters your nostrils. As you exhale, observe the air as it leaves your body. There is no need to change your breath or attempt to control it in any way. Just continue with your natural pattern of breathing in, breathing out. If you like, you can follow your breath into your lungs and watch your lungs expand, then deflate. There is a pause between the inhale and exhale of the breath. Notice the pause. And continue breathing in and out… (2 minutes of music)
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Energy Healing and Reiki22. May, 2011Energy HealingNo commentsIn recent years, many alternatives to traditional medicine have been gaining mainstream attention. Dr. Mehmet Oz a leading proponent of integrative medicine considers energy healing to be the new frontier of alternative medicine and the future of “mind-body medicine”. The Oprah Winfrey Show Energy Healing and Reiki
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How To Meditate29. March, 2011MeditationNo commentsThis approach is as much for the beginner as for the more experienced practitioner. It is simply ‘noticing the flow of your breath’. There are many forms of meditation. This approach is as much for the beginner as for the more experienced practitioner. It is simply ‘noticing the flow of your breath’. Begin sitting comfortably in a chair with your feet flat on the floor. Place your hands on your thighs, palms down. If that’s not comfortable, try placing one hand inside the other with palms toward your belly. Now turn your attention to your breathing. Nothing to do here. Just notice. Does your lower belly expand as you inhale? Does your breathing happen just in your upper chest? Still, you have nothing to do but notice. You have no goal or purpose other than to keep noticing your breath. If you are visual, you can watch your breath in your mind’s eye. Picture your lungs and the in and out movement of your breath.
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