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Boundaries

Speaking the Truth: Recognizing & Agreeing to Reality

20. June, 2017Boundaries, Spiritual HealingNo comments

speaking the truth When you are upset, about anything, you are not in truth. When you are angry, ranting, yelling, you are not in truth. You are fighting what’s so and what’s so is the truth – reality. Recognizing reality relieves misery and brings peace. Not necessarily the outcome you prefer, but clarity and calm. Frenzied angry actions are not behaviors consistent with reality.

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Setting Spiritual Boundaries in Freedom, Structure & Love

17. October, 2016Blog Posts, Boundaries, Spiritual HealingNo comments

Setting Spiritual BoundariesWe have a tendency to believe that if we love enough if we are enlightened, then

setting spiritual boundaries are not necessary. It isn’t true. In this material universe, everything is defined by separation. Our bodies, our thoughts, carpets and chairs all have some dividing line to define inside and out. These demarcations let us be ourselves and the chair be a chair. Read more

Healthy Anger: A More Productive Way To Handle Anger

18. March, 2013Anger, Blog Posts, Boundaries, Relationships, UncategorizedNo comments

No human emotion is so reviled or misunderstood as anger. Anger is miserable. We believe we are wrong to be angry and we push the experience away. “If only I were more enlightened. I should be kind. I don’t want to be this angry person. It’s not who I am.” Is there such a thing as healthy anger?

Your anger is energy and it serves a purpose, sometimes life-saving and other times spiritual. Consider Elaine who lives with her verbally mean and unfaithful boyfriend, Ron. She is upset with herself for being angry. “I know I need to leave but, until I do there’s no need to be nasty to him. I shouldn’t let my temper get the better of me. I feel guilty when I yell.”

In fact, Elaine’s ill temper is her ally. It puts her in touch with her strength and the real truth of who she is. Her indignation at the way she is treated spurs her to find an apartment of her own even though money is tight.

Yes, Elaine carries a childhood wound that led her to choose Ron. Behind her choice was the longing to recreate the old circumstances and this time emerge victorious. This time the abuser (read, ‘parent’) would realize his love for her and demonstrate kindness and affection.

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Setting Healthy Boundaries

11. June, 2012Blog Posts, Boundaries, RelationshipsNo comments

Setting Healthy Boundaries

When adults complain they can’t say “No,” the next remark is often, “I need stronger boundaries.” Yet, setting healthy boundaries can be an elusive goal. Another perspective on this may help.

For an adult the inability to say no comes down to guilt and shame, often false guilt and false shame. Consider a simple example: houseguests, perhaps unwanted in the first place, who overstay their welcome, never pitch in, expect free meals and laundry service, then announce their plans to return next year. Why would any host or hostess put up with this? The answer is guilt and shame.

The internal conversation may sound something like this: “If you say anything you look like a shrew. They’ll never speak to you again. They’ll say you treated them horribly. You’ll create a terrible rift in the family. It’s up to you to take the high road.”

This guilt is false. Yes, these concerns may come true. These houseguests may never speak to you again and they may create a family fuss. But this guilt is a ‘red herring’ and hides a deeper self attack.

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Mindfulness

Meditation: Sandra Egli
Music: Torey Ronhovde

The wisdom of a thousand generations guides you today. Only listen. Without a sound their voices reverberate in your cells. Settle within and choose your path.

All of us come from strength, fortitude, perseverance. No matter how difficult their lives, our ancestors made it through and passed on life for the next generation. Over and over, until it came to you. The intelligence that guided them has also come to you.


To Thine own Self be true.

If I could present you with a single blessing, it would be the gift of Mindfulness. Awareness of yourself: body, emotions, and self-talk, all the time. Our immediate experience is the ultimate exploration that only grows richer with time. What we do or don't do, and the roots of our behavior, are accessible with the simple practice of noticing immediate experience. It is this practice that makes it possible to know and be true to ourselves.

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Sandra's graceful way of listening & non-judgmental demeanor allowed me to open up effortlessly. I was certain, as I left her office, that I had received precisely the healing I needed.

Female client, age 44
Phoenix, Arizona