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A Lesson In Self Discovery: The Best Gift Ever

7. February, 2018UncategorizedNo comments

self discovery the best gift everRecently, a friend related a conversation with her childhood friend. Her friend had stern parents who didn’t believe in piles of presents for birthdays or any holiday. Although his home was supportive and loving, it was the exception to receive a gift and unlikely to be a gift for which he hoped. He believes today, his experience was a great gift to him. He learned about disappointment and how easy it is to get along without expensive toys whether just the latest name-brand running shoes or an Italian sports car.

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How Can I Be Happy No Matter What

15. April, 2014Anxiety, Blog Posts, Relationships, UncategorizedNo comments

How can I be happy? Or, happier? Last week was great but how can I be happy with what’s happening now?

Life isn’t always easy and whether we ask these questions, most of us face challenges and stress that can suck the ‘happy’ out of life. This article is about the relationship between attention and happiness.

  “Attention is the most basic form of love; through it we bless and are blessed.”

John Tarrant, The Light Inside the Dark

I was stretching in the living room. My husband was reading in the kitchen. He said something. In separate rooms, our backs to one another I couldn’t make out his words. Why, I wondered, does he think I can hear him in the next room? I felt a snarky remark coming on. Instead, I walked over to sit with him. It was love that called to me. My listening is one of the ways I love him and it makes me happy.

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Healthy Anger: A More Productive Way To Handle Anger

18. March, 2013Anger, Blog Posts, Boundaries, Relationships, UncategorizedNo comments

No human emotion is so reviled or misunderstood as anger. Anger is miserable. We believe we are wrong to be angry and we push the experience away. “If only I were more enlightened. I should be kind. I don’t want to be this angry person. It’s not who I am.” Is there such a thing as healthy anger?

Your anger is energy and it serves a purpose, sometimes life-saving and other times spiritual. Consider Elaine who lives with her verbally mean and unfaithful boyfriend, Ron. She is upset with herself for being angry. “I know I need to leave but, until I do there’s no need to be nasty to him. I shouldn’t let my temper get the better of me. I feel guilty when I yell.”

In fact, Elaine’s ill temper is her ally. It puts her in touch with her strength and the real truth of who she is. Her indignation at the way she is treated spurs her to find an apartment of her own even though money is tight.

Yes, Elaine carries a childhood wound that led her to choose Ron. Behind her choice was the longing to recreate the old circumstances and this time emerge victorious. This time the abuser (read, ‘parent’) would realize his love for her and demonstrate kindness and affection.

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New Year’s Resolution: Get A Ninja Mantra

31. December, 2012Blog Posts, Healing Articles, Relationships, UncategorizedNo comments

For his New Year’s Resolution, one friend is using affirmations to set and hold a positive frame of mind. He feels he has a negative mindset ingrained in his thinking since childhood and is committed to controlling his thoughts. He believes this is the way to accomplish his goals.

We were discussing this approach in contrast to Acceptance: not judging what happens as either good or bad. He questions whether Acceptance is simply resigning to what the universe dishes out and to our own worst habits.

Acceptance is the capacity to look at ‘what is happening’ as only ‘what is happening.’ In Acceptance we may be happy or not about what occurs but we are able to remain conscious of our experience without resisting, defending or denying.

The inability to accept what is happening is all about control. We think it is up to us to create and manage our lives. If we don’t like something we try to force something else to happen. This is why we make New Year’s Resolutions. However, affirmations and resolutions are often a rejection of reality and our selves.

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Holiday Blessing

18. December, 2012UncategorizedNo comments

May you know peace and the root of peace.

May those you love know peace and the root of peace.

May all creatures know peace and the root of peace.

                                             –  Sandra

Do I Belong?

14. November, 2012Blog Posts, Relationships, UncategorizedNo comments

 

For many people the promise of Thanksgiving is that we have a place (often, family) where we belong and that we are accepted and loved. The corresponding dread we feel is that the promise will not be kept. That once again we will be judged and found not good enough. We will leave the celebration feeling isolated, with the nagging sense that we don’t really belong.

There are always rules for belonging. We learn them early in life. The first set of rules is just what keeps our parents happy with us. We also learn our place, how we fit in with them, our siblings, and extended family. These patterns become a template for our future relationships. They affect not just the one-to-one interactions we develop later in life, but also how we relate to groups, whether social, professional, or church. The effect is subtle but pervades our lives.

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How Can I Get What I Want?

8. October, 2012Anger, Relationships, UncategorizedNo comments

It is a common belief that we have the capacity to manifest our desires. But how does this work? How can I get what I want? If I can, why don’t I have it? What if I want to be wealthy? Or beautiful? What about a designer handbag? Is that selfish?

These questions demonstrate the confusion and mixed feelings we have about achieving our dreams. The universe is filled with all things good and there is nothing wrong with our desires – so long as we are reaching for the good that is the essence of the object.

For example, most of us would like to be financially secure, even wealthy. It isn’t selfish to want wealth for the ease and pleasure that it brings. Clothes, home, or vacations, are all intrinsically good. The motive turns sour when we want these things in order to show off, feel superior, or compensate for our feelings of inadequacy.

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The Secret To Liking Yourself

10. September, 2012Blog Posts, Depression, Relationships, UncategorizedNo comments

What is the secret to liking yourself? After all, there are valid reasons to dislike ourselves. We aren’t perfect and all the self-improvement of a lifetime will not get us to that exalted state.

Oddly, we usually dislike ourselves for the wrong reasons. We dislike that we are quiet and slow to make friends; we get upset with ourselves for being overweight; we beat ourselves up for losing our temper.

We set almost impossible standards for ourselves in trivial matters, such as exercise (“I’ve simply got to hit the gym more often.”) or socializing (“I never know what to say.”). This sort of guilt eats up a lot of psychic energy. It distracts us. We are focused on issues that miss the heart of the matter. Yet, they cause us to feel personally insufficient.

So, what constitutes true guilt?

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Mindfulness

Meditation: Sandra Egli
Music: Torey Ronhovde

The wisdom of a thousand generations guides you today. Only listen. Without a sound their voices reverberate in your cells. Settle within and choose your path.

All of us come from strength, fortitude, perseverance. No matter how difficult their lives, our ancestors made it through and passed on life for the next generation. Over and over, until it came to you. The intelligence that guided them has also come to you.


To Thine own Self be true.

If I could present you with a single blessing, it would be the gift of Mindfulness. Awareness of yourself: body, emotions, and self-talk, all the time. Our immediate experience is the ultimate exploration that only grows richer with time. What we do or don't do, and the roots of our behavior, are accessible with the simple practice of noticing immediate experience. It is this practice that makes it possible to know and be true to ourselves.

Testimonials

Sandra's graceful way of listening & non-judgmental demeanor allowed me to open up effortlessly. I was certain, as I left her office, that I had received precisely the healing I needed.

Female client, age 44
Phoenix, Arizona

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