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self doubt

I was 3 when I attended the birthday party of a little girl who was deaf. I tried talking to her but she didn’t notice or respond. I complained to my mother that she wasn’t a very nice girl and my mother explained the girl couldn’t hear. I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe she couldn’t hear. After all, she had ears. I was convinced she was lying and continued trying to engage her verbally.

How to Overcome Self Doubt

Another year later I recall patiently explaining to my 2 year old sister that her doll was not a Toni Doll (the popular doll at the time) like mine, hers was just a rubber doll. When she finally got the message she screamed inconsolably. My mother was furious. When I tried to soothe my sister, my mother said, “It’s too late. You can’t fix it now.”

These seemingly minor events were significant for me. At the least they contributed to the idea I formed of myself. “I’m no good with people.” The thought and the vocabulary indicate how young I was to reach such a generalized conclusion.

Self Doubt At 5 Years Old?

I was only five years old, but I had judged myself harshly and come to a painful belief. The belief became a lens through which every misstep in a relationship provided more evidence that my early conclusion was correct, reinforcing my own self doubt.

The importance of my experience is that I am not unique. This is the human experience. Children reach grandiose conclusions about themselves, and the world at an early age no matter how much they are loved or their parents try to give them a healthy start.

self doubt and anxiety

For example, a child constantly criticized may conclude that she has been rejected or is not good enough and go through life feeling rejected again and again. Youngest children may believe they are unable to do anything as well as others, albeit the ‘others’ are their older siblings who naturally can do more in those early years. Children for whom a parent disappears (through death or divorce) frequently conclude “Men/Women always leave me.” Or, “Anyone I love will leave me.”

These conclusions set up an image of the world that is then recreated repeatedly over a

self doubt causes

lifetime. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, no matter what the actual situation may be, we continue to interpret it according to our pre-conceived idea. However, that is only one part of the picture.

In addition to our interpretive lens, we play a part in the recreation with our behavior. A woman who

self doubt from childhood

believes, “anyone I love will leave me” may hold herself back, remain distant, unwilling to risk. The inability to let go into the relationship contributes to its demise.

Another factor in the recreation of a world view is the people we are drawn to and who are drawn to us. Continuing with the same example, the belief that ‘if I love him, he will leave” seems to draw partners unable to make a long-term commitment. When the relationship gets serious or faces a challenge, that partner moves on, reinforcing a childhood conclusion.

Become Willing To Make A Change

If we are willing to look closely at the challenges in our lives we can identify the underlying almost subconscious paradigms that define us. It is a priceless opportunity to alter automatic behavior. If you are interested in deep self-reflection, I recommend a meditation I described in two earlier blogs. Gain access to the meditation in by clicking on the links below:

Gain A Better Understanding Of The Meditation Process

Experience the Benefits of Meditation: Remove Fear & Gain Trust

In closing, I’ll tell one more story on myself. Some time back, my husband took on the responsibility to buy coffee beans and grind them. I was happy to let him do that and stayed out of his way with one exception. I complained about the coffee. It wasn’t nearly as good as what I used to buy (my truth) and it cost more. He didn’t say anything in response until a few weeks ago. Then he said, “OK, I hereby relinquish all future coffee purchases and bean grinding to you. Obviously you’ll be able to do it so much better than I can.”

self doubt help

In a split second I recognized my old behavior, expressing my perspective without any regard for his time and effort. Worse, I didn’t even believe the coffee was bad. I was unconsciously complaining. “I take it all back. Every complaint. All of it. None of it is true. Please, keep buying whatever coffee you want. It tastes great!” “No,” he replied with his own stubborn stance, “You can’t take it back.” Happily, it was only a few minutes before we were both laughing and my coffee supply was again secure.

As this recent experience demonstrates, our paradigms may not disappear. The possibility is that we can recognize without being defensive when they appear and modify our behavior to get a different result.

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Do you want to learn how to let go of self-doubt and limiting beliefs? Contact professional spiritual healer in Phoenix or Scottsdale, Dr. Sandra Egli or book an appointment online now.

  

 

 

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Mindfulness

Meditation: Sandra Egli
Music: Torey Ronhovde

The wisdom of a thousand generations guides you today. Only listen. Without a sound their voices reverberate in your cells. Settle within and choose your path.

All of us come from strength, fortitude, perseverance. No matter how difficult their lives, our ancestors made it through and passed on life for the next generation. Over and over, until it came to you. The intelligence that guided them has also come to you.


To Thine own Self be true.

If I could present you with a single blessing, it would be the gift of Mindfulness. Awareness of yourself: body, emotions, and self-talk, all the time. Our immediate experience is the ultimate exploration that only grows richer with time. What we do or don't do, and the roots of our behavior, are accessible with the simple practice of noticing immediate experience. It is this practice that makes it possible to know and be true to ourselves.

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