Why is that so and what is the difference between effective and ineffective behavior?
Be Honest About Your Helplessness – And Your Responsibility
When we adopt a posture of helplessness we are acting as toddlers. Small children are ineffective in their resistance. They are without power and when mistreated are unable to defend or protect themselves against larger stronger perpetrators. These are real victims. Even when their demands are unreasonable and their treatment is appropriate, temper tantrums come from the space of no-power and so toddlers can go full-out kicking and screaming.
As adults, we do not have this option to simply say “I’m“feeling helpless“. We are responsible to care for ourselves, to deal thoughtfully and reasonably with the obstacles we face and rely on others for assistance when we cannot.
Yes, there are situations that warrant resistance. These are fewer than we generally admit. Most of the time, with our heels dug in, it is for all the wrong and often hidden motivations. The most common motivation is simply, “It’s not what I want. Things should be a different way and I’m right about it.” Yet, what if we are wrong? As Byron Katie and generations of Buddhist teachers assert: Reality is – and human suffering is self-generated from the belief that reality should be another way.
Identify and Remove the Underlying Obstacles
In fact, what we are really upset about is often what is hardest to face: our self-criticism that we contributed to the current situation. This may or may not be accurate but only when we face what we are really upset about, can we see the right path. When underlying obstacles remain unresolved we fight to no purpose. We vest ourselves in resistance and cannot see when the fight is unproductive, even producing results the opposite of what we want. Without judgment, with spiritual acceptance, what seems intolerable becomes something we can work with.
In my own life, I have a friend who is an alcoholic. For years, it was painful to accept. I wanted his life to be another way – to be happier according to my standards. I blamed myself for my failure to help him overcome his ‘problem.’ Finally, with no alternative, I said, “Yes.” I don’t know what burdens or demons he shoulders. I don’t know his path. I don’t condone and it isn’t my place to judge. I trust that “if it should be another way, then it would be another way.” The change in my perspective has given me greater peace and allows me to be a friend.
Just as we must listen to our self-judgments and -doubts to heal the wounds they hide, we must also listen to one another to resolve our differences and remain united in our commitment to liberty and justice for all.
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If you’re looking for spiritual support in Scottsdale AZ reach out and contact Dr. Sandra Egli at Center of Intention to start your holistic journey. Call (480) 860-0400 today!
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