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speaking the truth

When you are upset, about anything, you are not in truth. When you are angry, ranting, yelling, you are not in truth. You are fighting what’s so and what’s so is the truth – reality. Recognizing reality relieves misery and brings peace. Not necessarily the outcome you prefer, but clarity and calm. Frenzied angry actions are not behaviors consistent with reality.

A personal example here. A good friend forgot the birthday of her son’s wife. She paid a big price for this. Her daughter-in-law made it clear that she was hurt, barely acknowledged the generous makeup gift, and then stopped communicating with her mother-in-law. My friend felt terrible but made the excuse for herself that so much else was going on. She had also forgotten two other birthdays, both close friends, in the same month. Telling me this, she paused thoughtfully and said, “If truth be told I don’t know if I like my daughter-in-law very much. Perhaps that also played a part.”

finding the truth

We considered what she said and were quiet. All the rest was also accurate but here she hit the bullseye: her part in what happened. Once acknowledged, nothing else was needed. She didn’t have to confess in public view or beg her daughter-in-law’s forgiveness. After speaking the truth and divulging her secret my friend went on to talk about the ways in which she also appreciates her daughter-in-law. Not contrived, natural, and just as true as the bits she doesn’t like. With truth is freedom.

As for the daughter-in-law, she too has a personal piece of truth to discover, likely related to her life experience. Her indignation belongs to her.

This sort of experience occurs for all of us. Some minor event provokes us out of proportion to what happened. I used to be irritated and ashamed when a client would ‘no-show’ without canceling an appointment. I felt disrespected. Reality check: the issue was mine, mired in the small child who never felt good enough. The other reality is that a client’s no-show is for their reasons. Perhaps they really are rejecting me but that is their business, not mine. My part was learning why it upset me and dealing with that. While I still don’t like a no-show, it no longer has the same effect.

set a boundary

A few weeks ago, I was irritated with my brother because I said ‘yes’ when I should have said ‘no.’ I felt he was imposing even to make his request. Reality check: It had nothing to do with him, it was all about me and my own inability to set a boundary. After carrying a pit in my stomach for a few days I called and changed my ‘yes’ to a ‘no.’ He didn’t mind at all. (So much for blaming him.)

External battles, focused on someone else’s shortcomings, are the wrong fight. They distract us from the right battle which is the one where we must look at ourselves to discover the heart of the matter. Byron Katie says, “All war belongs on paper.” By that, she means a structured written form of self-examination she designed to lead us to the truth, always about ourselves.

willingness to recognize our part

Reality doesn’t demand that we like it. Reality has no feelings. Reality is fine if we work to change it when it can be changed. And whether, or not, it can be changed, peace emerges when we agree to what’s so. Agreement often rests on the willingness to recognize our part – what’s really going on for us.

agreeing to reality

Sometimes the hardest places to come to reality occur when we lose someone we love. I suggest that even then, we have a piece in the matter. Whether it is feeling we should have done more and loved them better or a refusal to agree to the cycle of life and death, we have a part that we play.

The business of agreeing to reality is true on every level, including societal. If every politician, citizen, and non-citizen did this, we could perhaps come to communicate, compromise, and a better outcome for all of us. If you are fighting, anytime you are fighting, stop and look within. When you come to rest you are on to something big.


If you’re looking for spiritual guidance in Scottsdale, reach out and contact Dr. Sandra Egli at Center of Intention to start your holistic journey. Call (480) 860-0400 today!

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Meditation: Sandra Egli
Music: Torey Ronhovde

The wisdom of a thousand generations guides you today. Only listen. Without a sound their voices reverberate in your cells. Settle within and choose your path.

All of us come from strength, fortitude, perseverance. No matter how difficult their lives, our ancestors made it through and passed on life for the next generation. Over and over, until it came to you. The intelligence that guided them has also come to you.

To Thine own Self be true.

If I could present you with a single blessing, it would be the gift of Mindfulness. Awareness of yourself: body, emotions, and self-talk, all the time. Our immediate experience is the ultimate exploration that only grows richer with time. What we do or don't do, and the roots of our behavior, are accessible with the simple practice of noticing immediate experience. It is this practice that makes it possible to know and be true to ourselves.


Sandra's graceful way of listening & non-judgmental demeanor allowed me to open up effortlessly. I was certain, as I left her office, that I had received precisely the healing I needed.

Female client, age 44
Phoenix, Arizona